Musical Monday: Lost to the Wind.

Another of my more poetic pieces. I remember writing parts of this while waiting for piano lessons to start.

» Lost to the Wind

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.38 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

Watch the wind a-blow outside
Branches waving helplessly
Arms open wide
Leaves torn from their roots
In a spectral shadow dance
Reaching out
Grasping for just one more chance

CHORUS:
Can't you feel the winds of change
And the questions that they bring?
In the unseen future
Is the past worth anything?
Patience, my friend
Her time is all but spent
And when it all blows over
Will she ever be the same again?
(When it) all blows over
Will she ever be the same again?

Feel the tears well up inside
Never should have felt this way
She cried and she cried
Two lives break apart
And are both lost to the wind
Float away
Never more to touch again

CHORUS

Turn away and leave my side
Leave me standing helplessly
Arms open wide
Turn away forever
In a spectral shadow dance
Leave me here
Grasping for just one more chance

CHORUS

Turn away and leave my side
Leave me standing helplessly
Arms open wide

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Just What.

A very old song, from the very beginning of high school. This is from back when I would sit down at night with my keyboard and headphones and crank out a completed song...or two. It takes me around 6 months to finish a song now, but the difference in quality is noticeable. I still miss those days, though.

» Just What

duration: 1:30
file size: 1.37 MB
written: 1993
recorded: 1995
instrument: keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: The Second Coming
lyrics:

We seem to tread on shaky ground
You say you don't want me around
But what am I supposed to do
When I fell so in love with you?

Is your condition so absurd
That you don't want to hear my words?
What am I supposed to say?
My love for you won't go away

Wait a minute, this ain't right
You say you want me from your sight
What else would you want to see?
I thought the one you loved was me

Something's wrong, this can't be true
You tell me not to talk to you
What else would you want to hear
Than words from him who holds you dear?

We seem to tread on shaky ground
Now you don't want me hanging 'round
What am I supposed to do
When I fell so in love with you?

And what exactly would I do
If you loved me like I love you?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Someday You'll Know What I Mean

To make up for missing last week's update, here's one of my longest recorded songs. (I would've said longest, but I actually checked, and apparently Seem beats it out by half a minute.)

» Someday You'll Know What I Mean

duration: 5:45
file size: 5.26 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

I thought we could be
Forever and ever, you see
But fate has the final say
And time can't delay destiny

CHORUS:
When you give your heart away
There's always a price to pay
Love ain't all it seems
Someday you'll know what I mean

I thought we could stay
Together, no matter what they'd say
But I didn't anticipate
Yesterday, until it was too late

CHORUS

I thought from the start
The two of us were never meant to part
And now I can only start
Gathering up what's left of my broken heart

CHORUS (x2)

Someday you'll know what I mean

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Say the Word.

I recorded about half of my third album at a friend's house my sophomore year of high school (The rest went unrecorded.) Everything was done in pretty much a single take, and as I don't consider myself to be much of a performer, a lot of the recordings, though quite clean and 'crisp', were fairly subpar, performance-wise, with a number of missed chords and flat vocals. Still, there are a lot of good songs from that session that I'd have a hard time reproducing now (due to a lack of notating my early music.)

Here's a song about loving someone who's not returing the feeling. Like a lot of my music, the emotions are exaggerated for dramatic effect -- the real-life basis for this song is a crush I had. I'm not sure who the "she" referred to in the chorus is, but I always thought it sounded good.

» Say the Word

duration: 3:39
file size: 3.35 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1995
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album: Kiss That Baby Goodbye!!!
lyrics:

I love you too much
To let you slip through my hands
To slip through my fingers
Like just so much sand
And why you persist on leaving
I just don't understand

CHORUS:
She thought we could do it
Do you think we can?
You're just a woman
And I'm just a man
And is love a game?
I'm not sure that I quite understand

I love you too much
To let you just walk away
To turn your back on me
For even a day
I don't know why I do
I just know I feel this way

CHORUS

Do I mean as much to you
As you mean to me?
My heart cries out to you
Can't you see?
If you'd just say the word
Then lovers we'd be
You could be the best thing
That's ever happened to me

CHORUS

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Used to Love You.

I just started writing a new song on Friday. I hammered out some of the music over the weekend, and I quickly noticed that some of it sounded vaguely familiar. In fact, it sounded like one of my older songs. Here's that song, another of my favorites -- I've always loved the piano part.

» Used to Love You

duration: 4:12
file size: 3.85 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Looking at you now
I see all the things I saw before
The smile in your eyes
I could've never asked for any more

But oh, how times can change
Tommorows rearrange

CHORUS:
I used to love you
My skies are grey now
They used to be blue
No more arms to run to
Oh what should I do?

Looking at the past
Imagining what could have been
The love we used to share
And all the things I wish I'd said

But that was long ago
A dream I used to know

CHORUS

Looking at you now
I see all the things I saw before
The smile in your eyes
I could've never asked for any more

But oh, how times can change
Tommorows rearrange

CHORUS (x2)

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Want to Be.

Here's the song I wrote for brother's wedding!

...What? You say I already posted that? Ah! But this song was written back in 2001, when my brother was engaged for the first time! Sadly, the engagement was broken off, but at least I was able to write this great song -- one of Sarah's favorites of mine.

I actually recorded the piano for this piece back in 2003, and it wasn't until just Saturday that I recorded the vocals, thanks to the excellent Audacity software.

Trivia: the first and second verses were originally swapped. I still accidently sing them in the original order sometimes, but I think they make just a little more sense this way. Also, the interlude for this piece was originally intended to have some sort of string instrument (a viola, or something) which is why it might sound like there's something missing. Hopefully someday I'll finish the string part and dub it back over the top of everything else. Lastly: the key change at the end of this piece remains one of my favorite moments in anything I've written.

» Want to Be

duration: 4:22
file size: 4.00 MB
written: 2001
recorded: 2003/2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

The wait is gone
I've spent so long
Waiting for this day
My love's so strong
Hear what I say

CHORUS:
I say "I do" because it's true
I only want to be with you
I'm free because I see
You only want to be with me
Oh

I think we've grown
These months have shown me
What we could be
I'm yours alone
Eternally

CHORUS

I've no more fears
I'm moved to tears
By what I feel inside
Looking toward years
With you by my side

I say "I do" because it's true
I only want to be with you
I'm free because I see
You only want to be with me
There's nothing I
Wouldn't give away
If here forever you could stay
'Cause you're the one
That I love true
And I only want to be with you
I only want to be with you
Oh
Oh

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Reverie.

Here's another instrumental from Primary Key. I chose this to be the final song on that album because it was my favorite of the bunch at the time. I think Drawing Ever Nearer and The Waiting are more impressive, technically, and Floating has a touch more substance, but this may still be the prettiest piece on the album.

» Reverie

duration: 1:33
file size: 1.43 MB
written: 2000
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Tusical Muesday: Now I See.

(I love spoonerizing, and posting this a day late lets me do so in the post title!)

I know my "short list" of "classics" may be getting long, but this is definitely one of them. There's actually a story behind this one, and I'll share it with you now. I had a girlfriend in high school, and one night she had a dream that she shared with me. To summarize: she being led through a graveyard, and on the tombstones were the names of people she loved. When she got to the final stone, her guide announced that this was the person she loved most of all, and when she leaned in to read the name...she woke up. I didn't read into it much at the time, but a while after we had broken up, I thought back to that dream for some reason or another, and realized that my name hadn't been on any of the tombstones. Maybe, I thought, maybe she wanted it to be my name on that final stone!

Odds are that that wasn't the case, but that idea is precisely what this song is about.

» Now I See

duration: 1:48
file size: 1.65 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Sitting casting shadows
On a written page
Pen and paper promises
Fading with age
Tear-stained tenders left to dry
Out in the sun
And only now I see
She wanted me to be the one

Reminiscing prospects
Of an empty past
Sorting out which dreams
Were never meant to last
Giving up the future
'Fore today's begun
And only now I see
She wanted me to be the one

To make the world
Far better than it seems
To shut out all the nightmares
And awaken all the dreams

Poring over memories
Of yesterday
All the things I didn't do
And didn't say
Crying over what we had
What's done is done
But only now I see
She wanted me to be the one
Too late now, I see
She wanted me to be the one

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Can You?

This week, I'll share one of my oldest songs. I guess I don't have too much to say about this one; it wasn't written for any specific personal reason, I just wrote it...well, to just write it. I even had a music video for it planned out in my head. Something about a guy riding his motorcycle through the forest, when he spins out and crashes in a fiery explosion off the side of the road. An angel pulls him out and rescues him, and they go on to have a torrid love affair -- but she can't stay, and by the end of the video she's gone and he's all depressed. (Yet alive!)

» Can You?

duration: 4:57
file size: 4.53 MB
written: 1993
recorded: 1994?
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette
album art: Instant Delirium (Just Add Water)
lyrics:

Nothing but a messed-up man
Living life the best I can
What is it I'm looking for?
Is it true?
Could it be you?
Or is it something more?

CHORUS:
Can you see inside my soul?
Can you reach inside my mind?
Are you free to come and see me anytime?
What you see, I'd like to know
Won't you tell me what you find?
You can run in, come in, jump in anytime

I wonder, was it I
The one who made you cry?
So now you say goodbye
Sitting down,
My thoughts rebound,
Forever wonder why

CHORUS

I'll leave it all behind
But only if I try
That night you said goodbye
Sitting bound
In grief I've found
Alone until I die

CHORUS

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): Here's to Us.

So you don't feel cheated, here's another half a song for this week.

This is another "demo" of mine, that may or may not ever be finished. This is actually the first song I began writing last year for my brother's wedding. I wrote the chorus, but before I could get any lyrics down for the verse (I already had the music), I came up with This Moment, and this one dropped by the wayside. Then, a few months later on the drive home from work, I pieced together the first verse. I like it, and it definitely has potential; I'll certainly finish it if I can. It was originally planned to be a duet, but I don't know if I care so much about that aspect anymore.

» Here's to Us

duration: 1:03
file size: 998 KB
written: 2006
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Here's to you, here's to me
Here's to life as it was meant to be
Here's to finding someone I can trust
Here's to love, here's to us

I never knew that I
Could fall in love again
I never could have guessed
The who, the how, or when
I never felt I'd feel this way
Never believed I'd hear you say
The words that brought
These lonely feelings to an end

But all these things have come to pass
Take my hand and raise your glass

Here's to you, here's to me
Here's to building precious memories
Here's to Heaven and the stars above
Here's to us
Here's to love

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): Being in Love With You.

Is this update early, or late? You decide!

This is from that cassette tape of recordings I made earlier this year. This is a fairly old song that I'd actually recorded before, but it got mangled on the tape somehow.

» Being in Love With You

duration: 3:18
file size: 3.28 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
album art: Walking the Razor's Edge
lyrics:

When you came into my life
Once I saw you, you were all I'd see
Thoughts of you were burned into my mind
Do you know what you mean to me?

All the loves that I've been through
Never loved me the way you do

CHORUS:
Now when I'm feeling blue
I've got a smile to look forward to
I know I've finally found a love that's true
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you

The day that I laid eyes on you
Oh, I knew that we were meant to be
So now I write this song for you
To let you know what you mean to me

All the loves that I've been through
Never loved me the way you do

CHORUS

Every time I hold you near
Always know that I hold you dear
I hold you dear

You always seem to make me smile
A glimpse of you can set me free
Your love is sweeter than a rose
Your love is all I need

All the loves that I've been through
I never loved them the way that I love you

CHORUS

Now when I'm feeling blue
I've got a love to look forward to
I know I've finally found a love that's true
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: For You.

This is a special piece for a number of different reasons: (1) It marks the departure in my musical style from the traditional block chords of my early work to the broken chords and more involved accompaniment of my later pieces. (2) It was one of 2 pieces of mine to be recorded for the first-ever CD supplement of the annual high school literary arts magazine. (3) It is perhaps the only piece I can play and sing entirely with my eyes closed.

It was written to commemorate my high school girlfriend and I getting back together a few years after our initial break-up. When Sarah and I broke up and then got back together in college, she took the song as her own.

» For You

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.38 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1997
instrument: piano
recording medium: CD
album art: Downs & Ups
lyrics:

I thought your heart no longer
Held a place for me
I figured you no longer cared
But you never stopped loving me
When I couldn't see

CHORUS:
This one's for you
With all my heart
Though the years go by
Nothing can tear us apart
We will stand
Oh, it's true
I will love you to the end
This one's for you

For so very long I'd wanted
Nothing more than just
To hold you in my arms again
I never thought that it would come to be
But now I believe

CHORUS

Just take a minute to look
Deep into my eyes
Sit back and tell me what you see
The past is gone
Only today remains
And tomorrow is ours to claim

CHORUS

With all my heart
Though the years go by
Nothing can tear us apart
We will stand
Oh, it's true
I will love you to the end
This one's for you
This one's for you
This one's for you
This one's for you
For you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: I Never Could Have Guessed.

I figured for sure I'd put this up here previously, but apparently not? This is another song that makes my short list of "classics". Not only does it have some of the most poetic lyrics of any of my songs (check out that last verse!) but it also has the indulgent overly-long title that I love so much. Add in the fact that the music is mostly the same 3 chords played over and over with the left hand stuck on A flat (though the chorus adds some variation) and perhaps it's surprising that this song is so good.

Like a lot of songs I've burned to CD to listen to in my car, I've developed a nifty harmony that I sing along with it. When I eventually re-record this, I'll have to include it. (I've also considered writing a new, unrelated song with the harmony as the main melody.)

One final note: since this recording, I've since altered the lyrics: the second-to-final line in the chorus now begins with "and" instead of "but". (The lyrics below are the correct ones.) It just makes more sense to me -- and flows better -- that way.

» I Never Could Have Guessed That I Would Miss You So Badly Now

duration: 3:06
file size: 2.85 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

Trying to hold on to sanity
Images behind glass
Coming to grips with reality
Seems in insurmountable task

My heart doesn't know that it's over
But I've got to convince it somehow

CHORUS:
I never could've seen the way it ended
And I never could've known exactly how
And I never could've guessed
That I would miss you so badly now

Every day it's the same thing
My thoughts drifting to her
Looking, longing past the frame
The pictures in my head just a blur

I wanted to say it was her fault
But I know that's not possible now

CHORUS

Tears drown the fires of loneliness
Wash away the past 'til it's gone
Memories all but extinguished
Still a sole remaining flame burns on

Oh, how I want to tell you I love you
Oh, I wish that I could see you somehow

CHORUS

No, I never could've guessed
That I would miss you so badly now

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Prelude to Beginnings.

This song started out as a wedding song for my brother, but was soon shelved in favor of "Want to Be" which was then never used when said wedding failed to take place. I did eventually finish this song as an instrumental, and for a while it was untitled. When it came time to put together my instrumental album, Primary Key, I decided it needed a title, and settled on "Prelude to Beginnings", an apt name for a wedding song, and also for a song that started out as an unfinished introduction.

» Prelude to Beginnings

duration: 1:50
file size: 1.68 MB
written: 2000
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: A Better Man I'd Be.

This is track #1 on the latest CD I burned for my own personal listening. It was really chosen merely to fill up space on a CD otherwise filled with newer, better pieces. So I usually end up skipping this track. But this morning, on a whim, I let it play, and realized it was a much better song than I'd remembered.

» A Better Man I'd Be

duration: 2:37
file size: 2.40 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Walking the Razor's Edge
lyrics:

There's this girl
She's got my mind doin' crazy things
My heart takes flight
A bird with brand-new wings
Her name is--

Eyes of blue
The deepest ocean blue
The color of the morning sky
Glist'ning like the morning dew

BRIDGE:
I love you so
I wanna hold you
Never let you go
But do you feel the same towards me?
You got let me know

CHORUS:
I may not be the best for you
But you're the best for me
And if I could just see
Just what you see in me
A better man
A better man I'd be

Once in a while
When I can conjure up her smile
I just sit and dream
And drift away
Her name is--

Hair like gold
A sparkling sunshine gold
A waterfall of golden beauty
Up to now untold

BRIDGE

CHORUS

BRIDGE

I may not be the best for you
But you're the best for me
And if I could just see
Just what you see in me
Imagine what the two of us could be
A better man
A better man I'd be
A better man
A better man I'd be

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Twilight.

For this week's song, I placed my mouse cursor in my MP3s folder and randomly picked one. It happens to be an instrumental I wrote back in high school. I actually gave a performance of this piece in English class when there was randomly a piano in the room and some time to kill. Two recordings exist: the original for my "Kicking the Bucket" tape, and the later version done for my instrumental CD, "Primary Key".

» Twilight (2003)

duration: 2:04
file size: 1.89 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

» Twilight (1996)

duration: 1:56
file size: 1.77 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Broken.

An old, long, depressing (but good!) song about a break-up.

» Broken

duration: 5:01
file size: 4.60 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1996
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

On the phone I hear it all
Piercing through my soul
What you said and didn't say
Widening the hole

The tears come but I fight them back
A bittersweet attack
The tears come and I hold them back
For fear that you might see

CHORUS:
Could it be over now, already?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
Why didn't you tell me?
It's too late to make amends
It's time to face the consequence
A broken heart is all that's left of me
A broken man I'll never let you see

Afterwards I think it through
Digging, searching deep
For just how much I mean to you
Then cry myself to sleep

The tears come and I let them flow
My heart spills on my pillow
The tears run and I let them go
I wish that you could see

CHORUS

The tears come and all struggles cease
Giving in to sweet release
The tears come and I find my peace
In what we used to be

CHORUS

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
Wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
Wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
By wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Drawing Ever Nearer & The Waiting.

My sister has been bugging me to put up the song I wrote for my wedding. Alas, the song she's thinking about -- the duet -- has never been recorded. But I did write two other pieces for my wedding, which form a sort of "trilogy" with the duet. The first piece was used as the processional, and the second was what Sarah walked down the aisle to. It was pretty cool at the wedding; both pieces were played by the organist of Sarah's home church, an accomplished musician, and in order to fill the time that these fairly-short pieces needed to fill, he was able to improvise on the themes, and do some pretty neat things them. These recordings are my own, done for my 2003 instrumental album:

» Drawing Ever Nearer

duration: 2:25
file size: 2.21 MB
written: 1997
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

» The Waiting

duration: 1:47
file size: 1.63 MB
written: 1997
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Remember Yesterday.

What do you mean, it isn't Monday? Oh, yeah, there was holiday yesterday. Which means the garbageman comes a day late. And Musical Monday comes a day late. In the spirit of "Memorial Day", I present:

» Remember Yesterday

duration: 3:14
file size: 2.96 MB
written: 1998
recorded: 2002
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

Times like this I can't help but look back
And think of what used to be
I close my eyes and I take myself back
To better days than these

Away from the here and the now
I wish I could go back somehow

CHORUS:
Do you remember yesterday
And what we used to do?
Do you recall the moment
When I said I loved you true?
When I'd have done anything
You wanted me to?
I remember yesterday
And I remember you

I read your letter, I see your picture
Imag'ning what we could have been
I shut my eyes tight, I fight the tears back
It's all changed so much since then

The happiest days that I know
And it wasn't so long ago

CHORUS

Do you remember yesterday
And what we used to do?
Do you recall the moment
When I said I loved you true
I can't see tomorrow
But I know I'll make it through
I can't go back to yesterday
But all I want is you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: One More Kiss Goodbye.

I consider this song to be one of my "classics", written in that particularly productive period around 1995-1996. It's such a good song (in my opinion) that I even re-recorded it when I started recording again in 2002. Here's the two versions for you:

» One More Kiss Goodbye (2002)

duration: 2:49
file size: 2.59 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 2002
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer

» One More Kiss Goodbye (1996)

duration: 2:46
file size: 2.54 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Who can see the future?
Who can say how long this love will last?
Nothing lasts forever
Someday our love will be
A thing of the past

Before our blue skies turn to grey
Let's make the most of what we have today

CHORUS:
So give me one more kiss goodbye
God only knows if I'll see you after tonight
I see the sadness in your eyes
But darling please don't cry
Just give me one more kiss goodbye

Standing here beside you
I couldn't imagine it any other way
Through all the trials and troubles
You know this is where I want to stay

And though we both know it will end somehow
Let's keep our focus on the here and now

CHORUS (x2)

Just give me one more kiss goodbye
Just give me one more kiss goodbye

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Wait For Me.

Something I ate Sunday night knocked (and emptied) me out all day Monday, so this posting is late. Here's another song about a long-distance relationship:

» Wait For Me

duration: 4:00
file size: 3.67 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

You hear my voice
From so far away
You're reaching out
For a hand that isn't there
Your heart is touched
By the words I say
And as the tears come like rain
I can only whisper that I care

CHORUS:
Just wait for me
'Til I come again
And know you'll be holding me soon
It's hard not knowing exactly when
But love is forever
And I know our love is true

And when you sleep
You dream of me
You call my name
In the middle of the night
You feel the tears
Running silently
And all I want is for me to be
There with you holding you tight

CHORUS

Just wait for me
'Til I come again
And know I'll be holding you soon
It's hard not knowing exactly when
But love is forever
And I know our love is true

So think of me
'Til we meet again
And I will be thinking of you
Just close your eyes
Say a prayer, and then
We'll be together
And love will come shining through

'Cause love is forever
And I know our love is true

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): It's Enough.

A busy work week and me sick for half of it; sorry there was no new Musical Monday up. The next one will be slightly off as well, as I'm leaving tomorrow (Sunday) morning on a business trip to Nashville, TN, and won't get back until Wednesday night. I don't know if I'll have Internet access at all (I have no laptop) so I'll put a song up tonight, and another when I get back.

This song is dedicated to my wife Sarah, who will be missing me for four days. This song speaks directly to that. :) Hard to believe that we've been married for almost 6 years now (next month!) and have yet to be apart more than a single night during that time.

» It's Enough

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.37 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

These Minnesota nights
They can get so lonely
And every time I close my eyes
I dream of you only

And it's hard to stay apart like this so long
Some nights I wonder how I can go on

CHORUS:
Oh how I wish that I
Could reach out into the darkness
And feel you there
And share a special moment
That only we can share
But love can be so cruel
And life unfair
But it's enough to know that you care
It's enough to know that you care

And just beyond the edge of sight
I think I can see you smiling
Your love, a candle in the night
Leads me to you, my darling

And it hurts so bad just wishing you were
Until then, know I'm thinking of you dear

CHORUS

Just how long 'til I can hold you once again?
I know I'll see you someday, love, but when?

CHORUS

It's enough to know that you care
It's enough to know that you care

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Perfect Eternity.

Not a lot to say about this one, as it's late and I'm very tired, but it was written for my poetry class my junior year of high school. (If I recall, I got a perfect score.) It was written about a girl I met out in California after one of my high school youth group Mexico mission trips.

» Perfect Eternity

duration: 3:42
file size: 3.40 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

The arid aroma
Of a warm desert night
Her arms wrapped around
Holding me tight
I close my eyes
To the world outside
Friends in the distance
Saying goodbye

And out from our lips
Not a sound to be heard
But a joining of hearts
That goes beyond words

CHORUS:
The perfect eternity
Memory sublime
A moment forever
Suspended in time
A moment forever
Suspended in time

A cool breeze blows
Through the warm desert air
The warmth of her body
The scent of her hair
I shut my eyes
To the world outside
My pulse picks up tempo
As her lips approach mine

And in those few seconds
Not a sound to be heard
Just a joining of souls
That goes far beyond words

CHORUS

The arid aroma
Of a warm desert night
Her arms wrapped around me
Squeezing me tight
I close my eyes
To the world outside
Nothing else matters
Not at this time

And out from our lips
Not a sound to be heard
Just the joining of hearts
That goes far beyond words

CHORUS

I'm so glad to be here
So glad that you're mine
I could stay here forever
Suspended in time
I could stay here forever
Suspended in time
I could stay here forever
I think that'd be fine

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Head Over Heels.

Back to my "classical" period. :)

Off of album number six. Not a lot to say about this one. I still play it every now and then; it's fun, but when the key change hits at the end, it always catches me off guard. (But isn't that always the case?)

» Head Over Heels

duration: 2:28
file size: 2.26 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

I close my eyes
And I see your face
And dream an hour or two
I miss your smile
Your sweet embrace
I long to be with you

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

CHORUS:
Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels
For you

I close my eyes
And I hold my breath
My body floats away
I think of you
And we seem so close
Even when you're far away

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

CHORUS

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels

Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels
Head over heels for you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: How Can I Repay?

Today's (ahem, yesterday's) Musical Monday is dedicated to my (paternal) grandparents, who are both recovering from succesful surgeries last week.

In a first for Musical Monday, here is a "demo" recording -- this song is currently unfinished (though it's more finished than the vast majority of my unfinished pieces) and I have no real plans to finish it. Which isn't to say I won't -- if it comes to me, I'll write it -- but it's one of many pieces of mine that have fallen by the wayside. Unlike most of those, however, this one can almost pass for a full song on its own. I recorded a number of other demos during my session last month; they'll be trickling out over the rest of year.

I should point out a performance-time error here: the first two lines of the middle pair of verses should be swapped. I typed the lyrics correctly, so if you follow along, it'll make sense. Just a quick brain freeze when I was playing; I considered swapping them around on the computer, but eventually decided not to bother trying. I mean, it's just a demo...

Oh, and next week's entry will be on time -- I'm typing it up right now.

» How Can I Repay? (Demo)

duration: 2:54
file size: 3.98 MB
written: 2005?
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Comfort in sorrow
Hope for tomorrow
For doing what You promised You'd do
How can I repay You?

A clear head in madness
A spirit of gladness
A sure Path and a Light that is true
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

A shoulder to cry on
Wings I can fly on
For old, broken hearts made anew
How can I repay You?

Courage through trials
Strength o'er the miles
For guiding and seeing me through
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

Comfort in sorrow
Hope for tomorrow
For doing what You promised You'd do
How can I repay You?

A clear head in madness
A spirit of gladness
A sure Path and a Light that is true
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Tuesday: Yet Still.

Another busy day at work, then straight to the Twins home opener, so I didn't get much of a chance to post this yesterday. Here it is, now, though!

This is the title track to my second, shorter, instrumental album. Starting back in college, I started to notice that people would use the word "yet" when I would have said "still", and it got me thinking about the differences and similarites between the two. To me, "still" gives an indication of continuity, of some ongoing event. Whereas, to me, "yet" feels almost opposite, implying an ongoing wait for something to occur. For example, we're still driving in the car; we haven't arrived yet. And yet (!) the two words are fairly interchangeable. (We're driving in the car yet; we still haven't arrived. Though the former useage feels more "natural" to me.) But it doesn't stop there: each word has other meanings, as well: "still" can mean motionless, or calm. "Yet" can be used in the same fashion as "but".

So the name "Yet Still" can have a number of different interpretations, and though I tend to think of it as meaning "But Calm", the interplay between the two title words gives it a deeper meaning that I've never fully grasped, though in some way I can feel it.

As for the song itself (if you'll pardon the length of this post) I had the title (for both song and album) long before the song was even written. In fact, I knew what I wanted the song to be: a calm, peaceful, slightly haunting melody, but short -- and coming into a crescendo at the very end. I knew what the song was, but no notes ever came to me for the longest time. And then, finally, there came this:

» Yet Still

duration: 1:18
file size: 1.19 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Seem.

Here's another song that was written in anticipation of Elizabeth's birth. It didn't start out that way; it began with the second chorus, as a meditation on the "fleetingness" of the present moment, and our desire to hold onto that one moment in time. As I looked for verses that could build on that theme, I naturally looked forward toward the birth of my first child, and what it would be like to hold that little baby in my arms and never want to let go.

The unconventional rhythm of the chorus comes from the fact that the original inspiration for this piece (long before any words came) was my earlier song, Do You Think of Me?, played backwards. It was a melody and meter that haunted me for a while before I could put words to it.

» Seem

duration: 6:10
file size: 8.47 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Once I was a child
Living my life day by day
I laughed, I smiled
Trials and troubles seemed
So very far away

Oh, but now I've up and grown
Left the childhood that I'd known

I seem to recall
Days were carefree, they were innocent
Can time slip by so swiftly?
Or do children grow so fast?
What I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

Once there was a girl
She was crazy about me
She was the, the center of my world
I thought that she and I
Were truly meant to be

But in a heartbeat she was gone
More surprising, I moved on

I seem to recall
That she said she loved me more than life
Are words so temporary?
Or can feelings change so fast?
What I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

Right now is too precious
Mustn't let it skip past
I just want this moment to last

Once it was just me and you
Living together happily
Seems only yesterday we said "I do"
And suddenly now
We've begun a family

And where once were two, now three
And now my life is more than me

I seem to recall
Months spent waiting for this very day
Are our lives no more than
An attempt to escape the past?
But what I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

What I'm holding here
Is a mystery beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass
I don't want this hour to pass
I don't want this hour to pass

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Softly.

With Elizabeth's birthday coming up next week, I'll continue the theme started last Monday -- meaning, songs related to Elizabeth. This song I actually credit Elizabeth with helping to write. She used to love playing the piano, and once when we were playing together (when she was less than 9 months old) she happened upon a lovely 5-note melody that I based the chorus to this piece off of.

» Softly

duration: 2:29
file size: 2.28 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Daughter Mine.

Saturday alone at home = lots of recording done! I filled up a 60-minute cassette tape with music; now all that remains is dubbing that to the computer (about 1 hour) and then digitally editing the songs (about 1 hour per song.) Which means you'll be hearing a lot more "new" material in the coming months -- of course, it's really only new to me because everything I put up on this blog is new to most of you. But I digress.

This is a lullaby written for my daughter Elizabeth 3 years ago, though it was written before she was born (and before we knew she would be a she.) I wrote it while driving back from the hospital after our friends' daughter Olivia was born. I desperately wanted a baby girl of my own after that visit. 3 weeks later, Elizab