Another new chorus.

Wednesday morning I woke up with a song stuck in my head. One that didn't exist before that moment. As I slooowly moved toward consciousness, I sang it in my mind over and over, but the words dropped away line by line. By the time I was actually awake, all that was left was the first line, and, miraculously, the entire melody. That morning's shower time was spent filling in the words again. It was a love song, as the first line makes apparent, but not until I had re-written it did I realize that it was about a new baby:

You are so much more beautiful
     Than I've ever dreamed
And I can't imagine
     Why you've been given to me
And I can't stop thinking
     Of all the things that we'll see
With you here right now
     It's so hard to believe
That you're here right now
     Is so hard to believe

Behold: video!

Well, it's been 3 weeks since my sister's wedding, and 6 days since I dumped the videotape of said event onto the computer. Yesterday I extracted the song that I wrote (and, with Sarah, performed) to its own video clip, and having already posted it to Facebook, now share it here for all to see:



It was pretty windy that day, so the audio quality isn't sterling, and here are the lyrics for those who can't make it out:

I always wanted to share
My life with someone who cared
It was my dream, my hope, and my prayer
And when you came to me
I knew that we could be

Two notes in need of a song
Two souls that knew all along
Two halves of a whole, united and strong
Two words that sound the same
Two parts to a refrain

CHORUS:
Harmony and melody
Two is better by far
Let the sound of our souls joined sing
Far beyond the stars

You be the hills, I'm the trees
You be the storm, I'm the seas
You be the sun, and I will be the sky
Together we can be
More than just you or me

CHORUS

Standing before you now
I make my solemn vow
Strike now the bells, it's done
Two hearts now beat as one

CHORUS

Harmony and melody
Two voices to one
Now lift the song that our souls joined sing
Up to the Son

I actually only finished writing it the Tuesday before the wedding (which was on Saturday.) That gave Sarah only 4 days to learn it; and learn it she did, with a cold, no less! I remain impressed.

Musical Monday: Lost to the Wind.

Another of my more poetic pieces. I remember writing parts of this while waiting for piano lessons to start.

» Lost to the Wind

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.38 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

Watch the wind a-blow outside
Branches waving helplessly
Arms open wide
Leaves torn from their roots
In a spectral shadow dance
Reaching out
Grasping for just one more chance

CHORUS:
Can't you feel the winds of change
And the questions that they bring?
In the unseen future
Is the past worth anything?
Patience, my friend
Her time is all but spent
And when it all blows over
Will she ever be the same again?
(When it) all blows over
Will she ever be the same again?

Feel the tears well up inside
Never should have felt this way
She cried and she cried
Two lives break apart
And are both lost to the wind
Float away
Never more to touch again

CHORUS

Turn away and leave my side
Leave me standing helplessly
Arms open wide
Turn away forever
In a spectral shadow dance
Leave me here
Grasping for just one more chance

CHORUS

Turn away and leave my side
Leave me standing helplessly
Arms open wide

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Just What.

A very old song, from the very beginning of high school. This is from back when I would sit down at night with my keyboard and headphones and crank out a completed song...or two. It takes me around 6 months to finish a song now, but the difference in quality is noticeable. I still miss those days, though.

» Just What

duration: 1:30
file size: 1.37 MB
written: 1993
recorded: 1995
instrument: keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: The Second Coming
lyrics:

We seem to tread on shaky ground
You say you don't want me around
But what am I supposed to do
When I fell so in love with you?

Is your condition so absurd
That you don't want to hear my words?
What am I supposed to say?
My love for you won't go away

Wait a minute, this ain't right
You say you want me from your sight
What else would you want to see?
I thought the one you loved was me

Something's wrong, this can't be true
You tell me not to talk to you
What else would you want to hear
Than words from him who holds you dear?

We seem to tread on shaky ground
Now you don't want me hanging 'round
What am I supposed to do
When I fell so in love with you?

And what exactly would I do
If you loved me like I love you?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Someday You'll Know What I Mean

To make up for missing last week's update, here's one of my longest recorded songs. (I would've said longest, but I actually checked, and apparently Seem beats it out by half a minute.)

» Someday You'll Know What I Mean

duration: 5:45
file size: 5.26 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

I thought we could be
Forever and ever, you see
But fate has the final say
And time can't delay destiny

CHORUS:
When you give your heart away
There's always a price to pay
Love ain't all it seems
Someday you'll know what I mean

I thought we could stay
Together, no matter what they'd say
But I didn't anticipate
Yesterday, until it was too late

CHORUS

I thought from the start
The two of us were never meant to part
And now I can only start
Gathering up what's left of my broken heart

CHORUS (x2)

Someday you'll know what I mean

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Say the Word.

I recorded about half of my third album at a friend's house my sophomore year of high school (The rest went unrecorded.) Everything was done in pretty much a single take, and as I don't consider myself to be much of a performer, a lot of the recordings, though quite clean and 'crisp', were fairly subpar, performance-wise, with a number of missed chords and flat vocals. Still, there are a lot of good songs from that session that I'd have a hard time reproducing now (due to a lack of notating my early music.)

Here's a song about loving someone who's not returing the feeling. Like a lot of my music, the emotions are exaggerated for dramatic effect -- the real-life basis for this song is a crush I had. I'm not sure who the "she" referred to in the chorus is, but I always thought it sounded good.

» Say the Word

duration: 3:39
file size: 3.35 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1995
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album: Kiss That Baby Goodbye!!!
lyrics:

I love you too much
To let you slip through my hands
To slip through my fingers
Like just so much sand
And why you persist on leaving
I just don't understand

CHORUS:
She thought we could do it
Do you think we can?
You're just a woman
And I'm just a man
And is love a game?
I'm not sure that I quite understand

I love you too much
To let you just walk away
To turn your back on me
For even a day
I don't know why I do
I just know I feel this way

CHORUS

Do I mean as much to you
As you mean to me?
My heart cries out to you
Can't you see?
If you'd just say the word
Then lovers we'd be
You could be the best thing
That's ever happened to me

CHORUS

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Used to Love You.

I just started writing a new song on Friday. I hammered out some of the music over the weekend, and I quickly noticed that some of it sounded vaguely familiar. In fact, it sounded like one of my older songs. Here's that song, another of my favorites -- I've always loved the piano part.

» Used to Love You

duration: 4:12
file size: 3.85 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Looking at you now
I see all the things I saw before
The smile in your eyes
I could've never asked for any more

But oh, how times can change
Tommorows rearrange

CHORUS:
I used to love you
My skies are grey now
They used to be blue
No more arms to run to
Oh what should I do?

Looking at the past
Imagining what could have been
The love we used to share
And all the things I wish I'd said

But that was long ago
A dream I used to know

CHORUS

Looking at you now
I see all the things I saw before
The smile in your eyes
I could've never asked for any more

But oh, how times can change
Tommorows rearrange

CHORUS (x2)

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Want to Be.

Here's the song I wrote for brother's wedding!

...What? You say I already posted that? Ah! But this song was written back in 2001, when my brother was engaged for the first time! Sadly, the engagement was broken off, but at least I was able to write this great song -- one of Sarah's favorites of mine.

I actually recorded the piano for this piece back in 2003, and it wasn't until just Saturday that I recorded the vocals, thanks to the excellent Audacity software.

Trivia: the first and second verses were originally swapped. I still accidently sing them in the original order sometimes, but I think they make just a little more sense this way. Also, the interlude for this piece was originally intended to have some sort of string instrument (a viola, or something) which is why it might sound like there's something missing. Hopefully someday I'll finish the string part and dub it back over the top of everything else. Lastly: the key change at the end of this piece remains one of my favorite moments in anything I've written.

» Want to Be

duration: 4:22
file size: 4.00 MB
written: 2001
recorded: 2003/2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

The wait is gone
I've spent so long
Waiting for this day
My love's so strong
Hear what I say

CHORUS:
I say "I do" because it's true
I only want to be with you
I'm free because I see
You only want to be with me
Oh

I think we've grown
These months have shown me
What we could be
I'm yours alone
Eternally

CHORUS

I've no more fears
I'm moved to tears
By what I feel inside
Looking toward years
With you by my side

I say "I do" because it's true
I only want to be with you
I'm free because I see
You only want to be with me
There's nothing I
Wouldn't give away
If here forever you could stay
'Cause you're the one
That I love true
And I only want to be with you
I only want to be with you
Oh
Oh

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Reverie.

Here's another instrumental from Primary Key. I chose this to be the final song on that album because it was my favorite of the bunch at the time. I think Drawing Ever Nearer and The Waiting are more impressive, technically, and Floating has a touch more substance, but this may still be the prettiest piece on the album.

» Reverie

duration: 1:33
file size: 1.43 MB
written: 2000
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Tusical Muesday: Now I See.

(I love spoonerizing, and posting this a day late lets me do so in the post title!)

I know my "short list" of "classics" may be getting long, but this is definitely one of them. There's actually a story behind this one, and I'll share it with you now. I had a girlfriend in high school, and one night she had a dream that she shared with me. To summarize: she being led through a graveyard, and on the tombstones were the names of people she loved. When she got to the final stone, her guide announced that this was the person she loved most of all, and when she leaned in to read the name...she woke up. I didn't read into it much at the time, but a while after we had broken up, I thought back to that dream for some reason or another, and realized that my name hadn't been on any of the tombstones. Maybe, I thought, maybe she wanted it to be my name on that final stone!

Odds are that that wasn't the case, but that idea is precisely what this song is about.

» Now I See

duration: 1:48
file size: 1.65 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Sitting casting shadows
On a written page
Pen and paper promises
Fading with age
Tear-stained tenders left to dry
Out in the sun
And only now I see
She wanted me to be the one

Reminiscing prospects
Of an empty past
Sorting out which dreams
Were never meant to last
Giving up the future
'Fore today's begun
And only now I see
She wanted me to be the one

To make the world
Far better than it seems
To shut out all the nightmares
And awaken all the dreams

Poring over memories
Of yesterday
All the things I didn't do
And didn't say
Crying over what we had
What's done is done
But only now I see
She wanted me to be the one
Too late now, I see
She wanted me to be the one

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Can You?

This week, I'll share one of my oldest songs. I guess I don't have too much to say about this one; it wasn't written for any specific personal reason, I just wrote it...well, to just write it. I even had a music video for it planned out in my head. Something about a guy riding his motorcycle through the forest, when he spins out and crashes in a fiery explosion off the side of the road. An angel pulls him out and rescues him, and they go on to have a torrid love affair -- but she can't stay, and by the end of the video she's gone and he's all depressed. (Yet alive!)

» Can You?

duration: 4:57
file size: 4.53 MB
written: 1993
recorded: 1994?
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette
album art: Instant Delirium (Just Add Water)
lyrics:

Nothing but a messed-up man
Living life the best I can
What is it I'm looking for?
Is it true?
Could it be you?
Or is it something more?

CHORUS:
Can you see inside my soul?
Can you reach inside my mind?
Are you free to come and see me anytime?
What you see, I'd like to know
Won't you tell me what you find?
You can run in, come in, jump in anytime

I wonder, was it I
The one who made you cry?
So now you say goodbye
Sitting down,
My thoughts rebound,
Forever wonder why

CHORUS

I'll leave it all behind
But only if I try
That night you said goodbye
Sitting bound
In grief I've found
Alone until I die

CHORUS

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): Here's to Us.

So you don't feel cheated, here's another half a song for this week.

This is another "demo" of mine, that may or may not ever be finished. This is actually the first song I began writing last year for my brother's wedding. I wrote the chorus, but before I could get any lyrics down for the verse (I already had the music), I came up with This Moment, and this one dropped by the wayside. Then, a few months later on the drive home from work, I pieced together the first verse. I like it, and it definitely has potential; I'll certainly finish it if I can. It was originally planned to be a duet, but I don't know if I care so much about that aspect anymore.

» Here's to Us

duration: 1:03
file size: 998 KB
written: 2006
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Here's to you, here's to me
Here's to life as it was meant to be
Here's to finding someone I can trust
Here's to love, here's to us

I never knew that I
Could fall in love again
I never could have guessed
The who, the how, or when
I never felt I'd feel this way
Never believed I'd hear you say
The words that brought
These lonely feelings to an end

But all these things have come to pass
Take my hand and raise your glass

Here's to you, here's to me
Here's to building precious memories
Here's to Heaven and the stars above
Here's to us
Here's to love

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): Being in Love With You.

Is this update early, or late? You decide!

This is from that cassette tape of recordings I made earlier this year. This is a fairly old song that I'd actually recorded before, but it got mangled on the tape somehow.

» Being in Love With You

duration: 3:18
file size: 3.28 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
album art: Walking the Razor's Edge
lyrics:

When you came into my life
Once I saw you, you were all I'd see
Thoughts of you were burned into my mind
Do you know what you mean to me?

All the loves that I've been through
Never loved me the way you do

CHORUS:
Now when I'm feeling blue
I've got a smile to look forward to
I know I've finally found a love that's true
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you

The day that I laid eyes on you
Oh, I knew that we were meant to be
So now I write this song for you
To let you know what you mean to me

All the loves that I've been through
Never loved me the way you do

CHORUS

Every time I hold you near
Always know that I hold you dear
I hold you dear

You always seem to make me smile
A glimpse of you can set me free
Your love is sweeter than a rose
Your love is all I need

All the loves that I've been through
I never loved them the way that I love you

CHORUS

Now when I'm feeling blue
I've got a love to look forward to
I know I've finally found a love that's true
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you
I just love being in love with you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: For You.

This is a special piece for a number of different reasons: (1) It marks the departure in my musical style from the traditional block chords of my early work to the broken chords and more involved accompaniment of my later pieces. (2) It was one of 2 pieces of mine to be recorded for the first-ever CD supplement of the annual high school literary arts magazine. (3) It is perhaps the only piece I can play and sing entirely with my eyes closed.

It was written to commemorate my high school girlfriend and I getting back together a few years after our initial break-up. When Sarah and I broke up and then got back together in college, she took the song as her own.

» For You

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.38 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1997
instrument: piano
recording medium: CD
album art: Downs & Ups
lyrics:

I thought your heart no longer
Held a place for me
I figured you no longer cared
But you never stopped loving me
When I couldn't see

CHORUS:
This one's for you
With all my heart
Though the years go by
Nothing can tear us apart
We will stand
Oh, it's true
I will love you to the end
This one's for you

For so very long I'd wanted
Nothing more than just
To hold you in my arms again
I never thought that it would come to be
But now I believe

CHORUS

Just take a minute to look
Deep into my eyes
Sit back and tell me what you see
The past is gone
Only today remains
And tomorrow is ours to claim

CHORUS

With all my heart
Though the years go by
Nothing can tear us apart
We will stand
Oh, it's true
I will love you to the end
This one's for you
This one's for you
This one's for you
This one's for you
For you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: I Never Could Have Guessed.

I figured for sure I'd put this up here previously, but apparently not? This is another song that makes my short list of "classics". Not only does it have some of the most poetic lyrics of any of my songs (check out that last verse!) but it also has the indulgent overly-long title that I love so much. Add in the fact that the music is mostly the same 3 chords played over and over with the left hand stuck on A flat (though the chorus adds some variation) and perhaps it's surprising that this song is so good.

Like a lot of songs I've burned to CD to listen to in my car, I've developed a nifty harmony that I sing along with it. When I eventually re-record this, I'll have to include it. (I've also considered writing a new, unrelated song with the harmony as the main melody.)

One final note: since this recording, I've since altered the lyrics: the second-to-final line in the chorus now begins with "and" instead of "but". (The lyrics below are the correct ones.) It just makes more sense to me -- and flows better -- that way.

» I Never Could Have Guessed That I Would Miss You So Badly Now

duration: 3:06
file size: 2.85 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

Trying to hold on to sanity
Images behind glass
Coming to grips with reality
Seems in insurmountable task

My heart doesn't know that it's over
But I've got to convince it somehow

CHORUS:
I never could've seen the way it ended
And I never could've known exactly how
And I never could've guessed
That I would miss you so badly now

Every day it's the same thing
My thoughts drifting to her
Looking, longing past the frame
The pictures in my head just a blur

I wanted to say it was her fault
But I know that's not possible now

CHORUS

Tears drown the fires of loneliness
Wash away the past 'til it's gone
Memories all but extinguished
Still a sole remaining flame burns on

Oh, how I want to tell you I love you
Oh, I wish that I could see you somehow

CHORUS

No, I never could've guessed
That I would miss you so badly now

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Prelude to Beginnings.

This song started out as a wedding song for my brother, but was soon shelved in favor of "Want to Be" which was then never used when said wedding failed to take place. I did eventually finish this song as an instrumental, and for a while it was untitled. When it came time to put together my instrumental album, Primary Key, I decided it needed a title, and settled on "Prelude to Beginnings", an apt name for a wedding song, and also for a song that started out as an unfinished introduction.

» Prelude to Beginnings

duration: 1:50
file size: 1.68 MB
written: 2000
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: A Better Man I'd Be.

This is track #1 on the latest CD I burned for my own personal listening. It was really chosen merely to fill up space on a CD otherwise filled with newer, better pieces. So I usually end up skipping this track. But this morning, on a whim, I let it play, and realized it was a much better song than I'd remembered.

» A Better Man I'd Be

duration: 2:37
file size: 2.40 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1995
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Walking the Razor's Edge
lyrics:

There's this girl
She's got my mind doin' crazy things
My heart takes flight
A bird with brand-new wings
Her name is--

Eyes of blue
The deepest ocean blue
The color of the morning sky
Glist'ning like the morning dew

BRIDGE:
I love you so
I wanna hold you
Never let you go
But do you feel the same towards me?
You got let me know

CHORUS:
I may not be the best for you
But you're the best for me
And if I could just see
Just what you see in me
A better man
A better man I'd be

Once in a while
When I can conjure up her smile
I just sit and dream
And drift away
Her name is--

Hair like gold
A sparkling sunshine gold
A waterfall of golden beauty
Up to now untold

BRIDGE

CHORUS

BRIDGE

I may not be the best for you
But you're the best for me
And if I could just see
Just what you see in me
Imagine what the two of us could be
A better man
A better man I'd be
A better man
A better man I'd be

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Twilight.

For this week's song, I placed my mouse cursor in my MP3s folder and randomly picked one. It happens to be an instrumental I wrote back in high school. I actually gave a performance of this piece in English class when there was randomly a piano in the room and some time to kill. Two recordings exist: the original for my "Kicking the Bucket" tape, and the later version done for my instrumental CD, "Primary Key".

» Twilight (2003)

duration: 2:04
file size: 1.89 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

» Twilight (1996)

duration: 1:56
file size: 1.77 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Broken.

An old, long, depressing (but good!) song about a break-up.

» Broken

duration: 5:01
file size: 4.60 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1996
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

On the phone I hear it all
Piercing through my soul
What you said and didn't say
Widening the hole

The tears come but I fight them back
A bittersweet attack
The tears come and I hold them back
For fear that you might see

CHORUS:
Could it be over now, already?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
Why didn't you tell me?
It's too late to make amends
It's time to face the consequence
A broken heart is all that's left of me
A broken man I'll never let you see

Afterwards I think it through
Digging, searching deep
For just how much I mean to you
Then cry myself to sleep

The tears come and I let them flow
My heart spills on my pillow
The tears run and I let them go
I wish that you could see

CHORUS

The tears come and all struggles cease
Giving in to sweet release
The tears come and I find my peace
In what we used to be

CHORUS

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
Wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
Wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me
I wish that you were here with me
I dream of dreams that used to be
By wishing you were here with me

I wish that you were here with me

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Drawing Ever Nearer & The Waiting.

My sister has been bugging me to put up the song I wrote for my wedding. Alas, the song she's thinking about -- the duet -- has never been recorded. But I did write two other pieces for my wedding, which form a sort of "trilogy" with the duet. The first piece was used as the processional, and the second was what Sarah walked down the aisle to. It was pretty cool at the wedding; both pieces were played by the organist of Sarah's home church, an accomplished musician, and in order to fill the time that these fairly-short pieces needed to fill, he was able to improvise on the themes, and do some pretty neat things them. These recordings are my own, done for my 2003 instrumental album:

» Drawing Ever Nearer

duration: 2:25
file size: 2.21 MB
written: 1997
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

» The Waiting

duration: 1:47
file size: 1.63 MB
written: 1997
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Remember Yesterday.

What do you mean, it isn't Monday? Oh, yeah, there was holiday yesterday. Which means the garbageman comes a day late. And Musical Monday comes a day late. In the spirit of "Memorial Day", I present:

» Remember Yesterday

duration: 3:14
file size: 2.96 MB
written: 1998
recorded: 2002
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

Times like this I can't help but look back
And think of what used to be
I close my eyes and I take myself back
To better days than these

Away from the here and the now
I wish I could go back somehow

CHORUS:
Do you remember yesterday
And what we used to do?
Do you recall the moment
When I said I loved you true?
When I'd have done anything
You wanted me to?
I remember yesterday
And I remember you

I read your letter, I see your picture
Imag'ning what we could have been
I shut my eyes tight, I fight the tears back
It's all changed so much since then

The happiest days that I know
And it wasn't so long ago

CHORUS

Do you remember yesterday
And what we used to do?
Do you recall the moment
When I said I loved you true
I can't see tomorrow
But I know I'll make it through
I can't go back to yesterday
But all I want is you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: One More Kiss Goodbye.

I consider this song to be one of my "classics", written in that particularly productive period around 1995-1996. It's such a good song (in my opinion) that I even re-recorded it when I started recording again in 2002. Here's the two versions for you:

» One More Kiss Goodbye (2002)

duration: 2:49
file size: 2.59 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 2002
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer

» One More Kiss Goodbye (1996)

duration: 2:46
file size: 2.54 MB
written: 1995
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Who can see the future?
Who can say how long this love will last?
Nothing lasts forever
Someday our love will be
A thing of the past

Before our blue skies turn to grey
Let's make the most of what we have today

CHORUS:
So give me one more kiss goodbye
God only knows if I'll see you after tonight
I see the sadness in your eyes
But darling please don't cry
Just give me one more kiss goodbye

Standing here beside you
I couldn't imagine it any other way
Through all the trials and troubles
You know this is where I want to stay

And though we both know it will end somehow
Let's keep our focus on the here and now

CHORUS (x2)

Just give me one more kiss goodbye
Just give me one more kiss goodbye

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Wait For Me.

Something I ate Sunday night knocked (and emptied) me out all day Monday, so this posting is late. Here's another song about a long-distance relationship:

» Wait For Me

duration: 4:00
file size: 3.67 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

You hear my voice
From so far away
You're reaching out
For a hand that isn't there
Your heart is touched
By the words I say
And as the tears come like rain
I can only whisper that I care

CHORUS:
Just wait for me
'Til I come again
And know you'll be holding me soon
It's hard not knowing exactly when
But love is forever
And I know our love is true

And when you sleep
You dream of me
You call my name
In the middle of the night
You feel the tears
Running silently
And all I want is for me to be
There with you holding you tight

CHORUS

Just wait for me
'Til I come again
And know I'll be holding you soon
It's hard not knowing exactly when
But love is forever
And I know our love is true

So think of me
'Til we meet again
And I will be thinking of you
Just close your eyes
Say a prayer, and then
We'll be together
And love will come shining through

'Cause love is forever
And I know our love is true

Musical Monday Archive

Musical (Monday): It's Enough.

A busy work week and me sick for half of it; sorry there was no new Musical Monday up. The next one will be slightly off as well, as I'm leaving tomorrow (Sunday) morning on a business trip to Nashville, TN, and won't get back until Wednesday night. I don't know if I'll have Internet access at all (I have no laptop) so I'll put a song up tonight, and another when I get back.

This song is dedicated to my wife Sarah, who will be missing me for four days. This song speaks directly to that. :) Hard to believe that we've been married for almost 6 years now (next month!) and have yet to be apart more than a single night during that time.

» It's Enough

duration: 3:41
file size: 3.37 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

These Minnesota nights
They can get so lonely
And every time I close my eyes
I dream of you only

And it's hard to stay apart like this so long
Some nights I wonder how I can go on

CHORUS:
Oh how I wish that I
Could reach out into the darkness
And feel you there
And share a special moment
That only we can share
But love can be so cruel
And life unfair
But it's enough to know that you care
It's enough to know that you care

And just beyond the edge of sight
I think I can see you smiling
Your love, a candle in the night
Leads me to you, my darling

And it hurts so bad just wishing you were
Until then, know I'm thinking of you dear

CHORUS

Just how long 'til I can hold you once again?
I know I'll see you someday, love, but when?

CHORUS

It's enough to know that you care
It's enough to know that you care

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Perfect Eternity.

Not a lot to say about this one, as it's late and I'm very tired, but it was written for my poetry class my junior year of high school. (If I recall, I got a perfect score.) It was written about a girl I met out in California after one of my high school youth group Mexico mission trips.

» Perfect Eternity

duration: 3:42
file size: 3.40 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

The arid aroma
Of a warm desert night
Her arms wrapped around
Holding me tight
I close my eyes
To the world outside
Friends in the distance
Saying goodbye

And out from our lips
Not a sound to be heard
But a joining of hearts
That goes beyond words

CHORUS:
The perfect eternity
Memory sublime
A moment forever
Suspended in time
A moment forever
Suspended in time

A cool breeze blows
Through the warm desert air
The warmth of her body
The scent of her hair
I shut my eyes
To the world outside
My pulse picks up tempo
As her lips approach mine

And in those few seconds
Not a sound to be heard
Just a joining of souls
That goes far beyond words

CHORUS

The arid aroma
Of a warm desert night
Her arms wrapped around me
Squeezing me tight
I close my eyes
To the world outside
Nothing else matters
Not at this time

And out from our lips
Not a sound to be heard
Just the joining of hearts
That goes far beyond words

CHORUS

I'm so glad to be here
So glad that you're mine
I could stay here forever
Suspended in time
I could stay here forever
Suspended in time
I could stay here forever
I think that'd be fine

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Head Over Heels.

Back to my "classical" period. :)

Off of album number six. Not a lot to say about this one. I still play it every now and then; it's fun, but when the key change hits at the end, it always catches me off guard. (But isn't that always the case?)

» Head Over Heels

duration: 2:28
file size: 2.26 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

I close my eyes
And I see your face
And dream an hour or two
I miss your smile
Your sweet embrace
I long to be with you

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

CHORUS:
Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels
For you

I close my eyes
And I hold my breath
My body floats away
I think of you
And we seem so close
Even when you're far away

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

CHORUS

Falling down
Watch me fall
Falling down

Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels

Head over heels
This is how I feel
Cannot stop my head from reeling
Cannot stop this feeling
Head over heels
I've found a love that's true
Head over heels
I've fallen head over heels
Head over heels for you

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: How Can I Repay?

Today's (ahem, yesterday's) Musical Monday is dedicated to my (paternal) grandparents, who are both recovering from succesful surgeries last week.

In a first for Musical Monday, here is a "demo" recording -- this song is currently unfinished (though it's more finished than the vast majority of my unfinished pieces) and I have no real plans to finish it. Which isn't to say I won't -- if it comes to me, I'll write it -- but it's one of many pieces of mine that have fallen by the wayside. Unlike most of those, however, this one can almost pass for a full song on its own. I recorded a number of other demos during my session last month; they'll be trickling out over the rest of year.

I should point out a performance-time error here: the first two lines of the middle pair of verses should be swapped. I typed the lyrics correctly, so if you follow along, it'll make sense. Just a quick brain freeze when I was playing; I considered swapping them around on the computer, but eventually decided not to bother trying. I mean, it's just a demo...

Oh, and next week's entry will be on time -- I'm typing it up right now.

» How Can I Repay? (Demo)

duration: 2:54
file size: 3.98 MB
written: 2005?
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Comfort in sorrow
Hope for tomorrow
For doing what You promised You'd do
How can I repay You?

A clear head in madness
A spirit of gladness
A sure Path and a Light that is true
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

A shoulder to cry on
Wings I can fly on
For old, broken hearts made anew
How can I repay You?

Courage through trials
Strength o'er the miles
For guiding and seeing me through
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

Comfort in sorrow
Hope for tomorrow
For doing what You promised You'd do
How can I repay You?

A clear head in madness
A spirit of gladness
A sure Path and a Light that is true
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?
How can I repay You?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Tuesday: Yet Still.

Another busy day at work, then straight to the Twins home opener, so I didn't get much of a chance to post this yesterday. Here it is, now, though!

This is the title track to my second, shorter, instrumental album. Starting back in college, I started to notice that people would use the word "yet" when I would have said "still", and it got me thinking about the differences and similarites between the two. To me, "still" gives an indication of continuity, of some ongoing event. Whereas, to me, "yet" feels almost opposite, implying an ongoing wait for something to occur. For example, we're still driving in the car; we haven't arrived yet. And yet (!) the two words are fairly interchangeable. (We're driving in the car yet; we still haven't arrived. Though the former useage feels more "natural" to me.) But it doesn't stop there: each word has other meanings, as well: "still" can mean motionless, or calm. "Yet" can be used in the same fashion as "but".

So the name "Yet Still" can have a number of different interpretations, and though I tend to think of it as meaning "But Calm", the interplay between the two title words gives it a deeper meaning that I've never fully grasped, though in some way I can feel it.

As for the song itself (if you'll pardon the length of this post) I had the title (for both song and album) long before the song was even written. In fact, I knew what I wanted the song to be: a calm, peaceful, slightly haunting melody, but short -- and coming into a crescendo at the very end. I knew what the song was, but no notes ever came to me for the longest time. And then, finally, there came this:

» Yet Still

duration: 1:18
file size: 1.19 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Seem.

Here's another song that was written in anticipation of Elizabeth's birth. It didn't start out that way; it began with the second chorus, as a meditation on the "fleetingness" of the present moment, and our desire to hold onto that one moment in time. As I looked for verses that could build on that theme, I naturally looked forward toward the birth of my first child, and what it would be like to hold that little baby in my arms and never want to let go.

The unconventional rhythm of the chorus comes from the fact that the original inspiration for this piece (long before any words came) was my earlier song, Do You Think of Me?, played backwards. It was a melody and meter that haunted me for a while before I could put words to it.

» Seem

duration: 6:10
file size: 8.47 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Once I was a child
Living my life day by day
I laughed, I smiled
Trials and troubles seemed
So very far away

Oh, but now I've up and grown
Left the childhood that I'd known

I seem to recall
Days were carefree, they were innocent
Can time slip by so swiftly?
Or do children grow so fast?
What I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

Once there was a girl
She was crazy about me
She was the, the center of my world
I thought that she and I
Were truly meant to be

But in a heartbeat she was gone
More surprising, I moved on

I seem to recall
That she said she loved me more than life
Are words so temporary?
Or can feelings change so fast?
What I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

Right now is too precious
Mustn't let it skip past
I just want this moment to last

Once it was just me and you
Living together happily
Seems only yesterday we said "I do"
And suddenly now
We've begun a family

And where once were two, now three
And now my life is more than me

I seem to recall
Months spent waiting for this very day
Are our lives no more than
An attempt to escape the past?
But what I'm holding here
Is a miracle beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass

What I'm holding here
Is a mystery beyond compare
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass
Can I hold on forever?
I don't want this hour to pass
I don't want this hour to pass
I don't want this hour to pass

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Softly.

With Elizabeth's birthday coming up next week, I'll continue the theme started last Monday -- meaning, songs related to Elizabeth. This song I actually credit Elizabeth with helping to write. She used to love playing the piano, and once when we were playing together (when she was less than 9 months old) she happened upon a lovely 5-note melody that I based the chorus to this piece off of.

» Softly

duration: 2:29
file size: 2.28 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Daughter Mine.

Saturday alone at home = lots of recording done! I filled up a 60-minute cassette tape with music; now all that remains is dubbing that to the computer (about 1 hour) and then digitally editing the songs (about 1 hour per song.) Which means you'll be hearing a lot more "new" material in the coming months -- of course, it's really only new to me because everything I put up on this blog is new to most of you. But I digress.

This is a lullaby written for my daughter Elizabeth 3 years ago, though it was written before she was born (and before we knew she would be a she.) I wrote it while driving back from the hospital after our friends' daughter Olivia was born. I desperately wanted a baby girl of my own after that visit. 3 weeks later, Elizabeth was born.

» Daughter Mine

duration: 1:31
file size: 2.10 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette
lyrics:

Hush my darling
Everything will be all right
You're a miracle divine
I'm just happy that you're mine
Let me only hold you
In my arms tonight
Everything will be just fine
Daughter mine

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Think of You.

Ugh. Sick today, so this gets posted a bit late. But at least it's still Monday!

This song, I wrote for Sarah the year we got engaged. It has the special distinction of being the first "happy" song I wrote about her. :) I listened to it in the car for the first time in a long time this past week, and it was a much better song than I remembered it being. So I figured I'd share it. A bit of trivia: I considered "A Fraction" as a possible title.

» Think of You

duration: 4:59
file size: 4.56 MB
written: 1999
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

Sometimes I get under
The pressures of the grueling day-by-day
And truly it's a wonder
That I've only come a fraction of the way
But with you here beside me
I look forward to it anyway

CHORUS:
When days are long, the nights are cold and gray
And nothing ever seems to go my way
And I can't make it through another day
I think of you, my troubles fall away

Sometimes I get lonely
When circumstances take me away from you
But I know that it's only
A fraction of the time we'll spend as two
It's what makes life worth living
No matter what it puts me through

CHORUS

Won't you tell me, tell me please
Everything 'bout you?
When life has brought me to my knees
When I feel sad and blue
I'll think of these
I'll think of you

The way you smile, the way you draw me near
The way you love, the way you hold me dear
The way I'd feel if only you were here
I think of these, my troubles disappear
My troubles disappear
My troubles disappear

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Toast the Cat.

In memory of our cat, Toast, who passed away last Thursday. I wrote this song for -- about -- him. Sleeping, purring...slowing getting up, dashing around...then curling back up to nap. Two versions: the first is the original composition that I wrote on the computer. The second is me actually playing it on the piano.

» Toast the Cat

duration: 1:00
file size: 951 KB
written: 1998
recorded: N/A
instrument: computer

» Toast the Cat

duration: 1:06
file size: 1.01 MB
written: 1998
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Scamper's Quest Remix.

In honor of today's relaunch of my old webcomic, here's the theme song to Scamper's Quest -- remixed! Once upon a time I started work on an extended version of this, but I never did finish it...

» Theme From Scamper's Quest (Remix)

duration: 0:38
file size: 891 KB
written: 2001
recorded: N/A
instrument: N/A
recording medium: computer

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: This Moment.

Now that we've got our piano tuned/repaired, I can go back to recording music! First up is the song I wrote for my brother's wedding last year, that I posted the lyrics and MIDI for earlier. Now, here's the real deal:

» This Moment

duration: 4:02
file size: 5.54 MB
written: 2006
recorded: 2007
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
lyrics:

Well, you've known him only the shortest while
But just hearing his name now evokes a smile
And daydream'd fancies of wedded bliss
Oh, who could've known it would lead to this
From that very first kiss?

CHORUS:
And when you're looking backward in years to come
And rememb'ring everything you have done
Don't ever forget that it's all begun
In this special moment when two become one
It's that special moment when two become one

There's a flame kindled within your soul
But it's the spark of another that makes you whole
And as years go by, oh, whate'er you do
Keep that heartfire burning inside of you
And inside of her, too

CHORUS

Well, the future's just around the bend
It's a heck of a journey from start to end
But just keep your hearts focused on this day
And hold fast to each other and stand and say
"Oh, come what may"

And when you're looking backward in years to come
And rememb'ring everything you have done
Don't ever forget that it's all begun
From this special time that awaits you now
Don't ever forget everything you vow
And remember all that's been said and done
In this special moment when two become one
It's that special moment when two become one
Here comes that special moment

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Don't Wake Me Up

Here's another good one, despite the fact that I screwed up the bridge in this recording. I love the chorus: the last line refers to waking up and realizing the whole thing about her was a dream. And then the final chorus turns it around, indicating that she might be dreaming about me.

» Don't Wake Me Up

duration: 3:55
file size: 3.59 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album: Plummet
lyrics:

As I picture your face
I feel infinite pleasure
Joy without measure
Your love, second to none
Can such a love be real?

CHORUS:
Is this what it seems?
Could you be in love with me?
Or is it only just a dream?
Some night, lying in bed
Will I wake up suddenly
Remembering the words you said?

Looking backwards in time
I see you and another
Holding each other
I could never have dreamed
The moment would soon be mine

When I think about it now
It feels like a dream
Too good to be real
Can it be what it seems?
Or is it a dream?
A gift from above?
If it is, don't wake me up
Don't wake me up

CHORUS

Now I picture your face
You are one in a million
The prospects are thrillin'
Come now, girl of my dreams
And hold me in your arms

CHORUS

Is this what it seems?
Could I be in love with you
Or is it only just a dream?
Some night, lying in bed
Will you wake up suddenly
Remembering the words I said?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Kiss it Goodbye!

Here's a catchy little ditty from my third album. I don't recall exactly what it means; something to do with the consequences of waiting too long to make some decision or another. It's fun to sing, though.

» Kiss it Goodbye!

duration: 1:43
file size: 1.58 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1995
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album: Kiss That Baby Goodbye!!!
lyrics:

We've had our good times
And we've had some bad
But we've stayed together
Through the love that we've had

But just be careful what you say
Our fragile love might fall away

CHORUS:
Just like the birds up in sky
Have you ever wondered how to fly?
Don't stop too long to question why
Or you can kiss our love goodbye

Now the hard times
But we'll pull through
Just as long as I am
Here with you

But just be careful what you do
Else our fragile love falls through

CHORUS

There's a purpose to this song
I can show the world if you'll
Bring me along

CHORUS

Or you can kiss our love goodbye
Or you can kiss our love goodbye
Or you can kiss it goodbye

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Middlenight.

I wanted to write a new song using some of the new ideas that I'd been trying out lately, so I actually sat myself down and forced myself to crank this piece out. The result is probably my favorite of all of my instrumentals, ever. The original working title was "Midnight Interlude", a reference to the structure of the piece, but I liked the sound of "Mittelnacht", the German word for midnight. I wanted an English title, though, so I settled on the literal translation of the German word

» Middlenight

duration: 1:22
file size: 1.25 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: When You're Around

This song was actually written as a poem for English class my junior year of high school. Or, more acurately, it was written as a song, and used for a poem, if that makes sense.

» When You're Around

duration: 3:08
file size: 2.87 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

Staring at your picture
I suddenly feel alone
I wish that you were
By my side tonight
I've waited such a long time
For a love to call my own
I know this can't be wrong
It feels so right

When you're around
I feel a mile off the ground

There's something in your smile
That tells me this was meant to be
And don't you know
That's what I want to hear
There's something in your eyes
That shows me all I want to see
I can feel it
Every time I hold you near

When I'm with you
It's like a dream come true

CHORUS:
When you're around
My worries are over
When you're around
My night turns to day
And when you're gone
It takes so much
To go so long
Without your touch
I've fallen hard for you
What else can I say?

Drifting off to sleep at night
I conjure up your face
Your picture is engraved
Inside my mind
I dream about the next time
I can feel your warm embrace
You're everything I'd ever
Hoped I find

When you hold my hand
I'm the luckiest guy in the land

CHORUS

When you're away
All of my blue skies turn grey
But when you're by my side
I feel the heavens open wide

CHORUS

When you're around
My troubles are over
When you're around
My night turns to day
And when you're gone
It takes so much
To go so long
Without your touch
I've fallen hard for you
What else can I say?
I think I love you
What else can I say?

I think we're perfect
And let's keep it that way

Musical Monday Archive

Muscial Monday: Scamper's Quest Theme.

In honor of the rebirth of my webcomic, today's feature is the Scamper's Quest Theme music. Forwards and backwards! I initially wrote the tune for a short Scamper animation I did for Computer Art class my senior year of college. When I ran the theme backwards on the computer, I liked it so much that I used it during the animation credits. When I recorded "Primary Key", I had to figure out how to actually play the theme backwards -- which was fun.

» Theme From Scamper's Quest

duration: 0:16
file size: 251 KB
written: 2001
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

» Theme From Scamper's Quest (backwards)

duration: 0:15
file size: 239 KB
written: 2001
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical, um...Tuesday: The Happiest Days.

Now for something a little different! This was the bonus track on my seventh album. A little tune I came up with on my guitar (yes! guitar!) I planned to teach myself to play, but never really got around to it, and sold the guitar shortly after I got married. But I did record a couple songs on it.

» The Happiest Days

duration: 4:17
file size: 3.92 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: electric guitar
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket

Musical Wednesday? Psonatina.

Busy holidays = me not getting a song up on Monday! So as a bit of an apology, or (as I prefer to think of it) my Christmas gift to you, here are not 1, not 2, but 3 mp3s! One song in three movements.

I actually got the tune to the 1st movement in my head while showering one morning, and when it didn't go away after a couple of weeks, I wrote it down. It reminded me of the old sonatinas I used to play in piano lessons, so as I fleshed out the piece, I tried to keep the same old "sonatina" feel. I knew right away I wanted to do 3 movements, and after finishing the 1st movement, I came up with the final line of the 2nd movement and the entire 3rd movement. It was only when everything else was finished that I wrote the 2nd movement, and it remains one of the most unique among my songs. The title is a sort of truncation of "pseudo-sonatina".

» Psonatina (movement 1)
» Psonatina (movement 2)
» Psonatina (movement 3)

total duration: 4:41
total file size: 4.29 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: It Could've Been Better.

Another song from my first album. This one, I actually play from the final chord of last week's song. Though, thematically, the two songs have nothing in common, and were actually written for (about) two different people. (And, in fact, this song was written first.)

» It Could've Been Better

duration: 3:33
file size: 3.25 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1996
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Instant Delirium (Just Add Water)
lyrics:

You left without a sound
A ghost fades in the night
Another one you'd found
You'd found to hold you tight

Oh, woman, can't you see?
You were to be the one for me
I can't see your future
Something else was meant to be

I tried to change your mind
And now it's leaving you
How could you've been so blind?
Your story's all but through

Oh, woman, can't you see?
You were to be the one for me
I can't see your future
Something else was meant to be

It could've been better
It could've been me
It could've been better
Why won't you see?
Now and forever
You're all I see
It could've been better
Oh, it could've been me

Oh, woman, can't you see?
You were to be the one for me
I can't see your future
Something else was meant to be

It could've been better
It could've been me
It could've been better
Why won't you see?
Now and forever
You're all I see
It could've been better
Oh, it could've been me
It could've been better
Oh, it could've been me
It could've been better
Oh, it could've been

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Someday.

Now we're talking old. Here's a song from my first album, written back in 1994. It was my first big full-length love song, and remained one of my favorites for quite some time. Though I never sat down and recorded the album, I recorded this song along with a bunch of others by sitting down at the piano with an old cassette deck and a microphone. So the quality's the poorest of any of my recordings; perhaps ironically, I only recorded my (then) favorite songs this way.

» Someday

duration: 4:04
file size: 3.73 MB
written: 1994
recorded: 1996
instrument: piano
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Instant Delirium (Just Add Water)
lyrics:

You catch me looking at you
Sometimes I can't control
My true feelings, it seems
See you smile, and I want you
But something tells me you're more
So much more than you seem

It shouldn't matter what I want
But I could be what you need

CHORUS:
Sometimes you wanna feel the sun on your face
Throw a smile at the one beside you
Know you're in your place
Someday, I don't know when, but I will find a way
To tear away at the walls around me
Open up and say:
Oh, you
It's for you I long
By your side's
Where I belong
So I write you this song

You're by my side, I wanna hold you
I'd talk, but actions seem to speak
So much more loudly than words
If you're willing, then would you?
Half-completed thoughts spin through my mind
They sound so absurd

But it shouldn't matter what I say
If you still love me, anyway

CHORUS

It shouldn't matter if you care
Or if you turn and walk away
But can't you see my longing stare?
No one else makes me feel this way

Sometimes you wanna feel the sun on your face
To feel a loved one's arms around you,
Lovingly embraced
Sometimes you wanna feel a bit of Heaven's grace
To light the path that leads you home
A warm and tender place
Someday, I don't know when, but I will find a way
To take possession of my fears
And throw them all away
Someday, I hope it's soon, but desperately I pray
That I can look you face-to-face
And open up and say:
Oh, you
It's for you I long
By your side's
Where I belong
I swear
I've done nothing wrong
Can't you see?
This is where I should be
This is where I belong

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Floating.

One more instrumental before I start dipping into some really old stuff next week. This piece was written early in my freshman year of college; I asked a girl I liked to the Homecoming dance, and shortly after she said "yes" I ran to the music hall and wrote this. The title comes from how I was feeling at the time. The original version was only about 30 seconds long; later that year I expanded it into its current, full version.

» Floating

duration: 2:11
file size: 2.00 MB
written: 1997
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Past the Frame.

Another oldie but goodie. It's weird looking back on a lot of songs from this period (95-97) because there's just something to them that I haven't been able to capture since. Part of it, I think, is the under-developed accompaniment (mostly just block chords) but the lyrics have a certain poetry to them that I seem to have moved away from. Throw in the fact that I'd usually churn these songs out in a couple of days, and I'm always amazed when I look back at them. Of course, back then I could never have written the songs I write now -- that take me 4 months to complete -- and I wouldn't trade my new skills to go back to the old ones. But sometimes, I think it would just be nice to sit down and crank out a tune and some words (I can't decide which is more difficult for me nowadays) and come up with a nice little song like this:

» Past the Frame

duration: 2:06
file size: 1.93 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Kicking the Bucket
lyrics:

Visions of a future past
Building dreams not meant to last
But the shackles of fate
Can be broken away
And the future's unwritten
So they say

Hesitate to get too near
A hesitation sown by fear
But all I really need
Is a glimpse of your smile
To reassure myself
It's all worthwhile

CHORUS:
Past the frame I find
A heart that is true
And deep inside I know
I'm longing for you
And every night I pray
You long for me, too

Former prospects come and gone
Is there reason to carry on?
But you can't judge where you are
By where you've already been
And what once seemed certain
Now remains to be seen

Wondering if I dare advance
How long until I miss my chance?
But my ray of hope
Is a picture of you
Like a beam of sunshine
Out of the blue

CHORUS

Past the frame, a glimpse
Of what we could be
And deep inside I know
I like what I see
And every night I pray
You're thinking of me

CHORUS

Every night I pray you long for me, too

Musical Monday Archive

Muscial Monday: Moonlight Lullaby.

Time for another instrumental. This piece has been around almost as long as I've been writing down music. The original song that this piece was based on was written long, long ago -- perhaps as early as elementary school -- and was called "Morning Lullaby". I rewrote it sometime in high school (unknowingly renaming it in the process) and it's become one of my most popular instrumentals (read: my wife really likes it.) This recording is from my first homemade CD, titled "Primary Key", that I made in 2003, collecting all of my instrumental music (that I hadn't forgotten through the years) up to that point.

» Moonlight Lullaby

duration: 2:12
file size: 2.01 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 2003
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Primary Key

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: More Than Anything.

For this week's Musical Monday, we'll head back in time 11.5 years. Back in high school, I wrote music under the name "So Long Sanity", and even though I didn't record the majority of my music, I still collected every 10-12 songs that I wrote into an album, complete with cover art. This song was on my 6th album, titled "Brain Food". I had actually forgotten that this song existed, because I never wrote it down anywhere. It wasn't until I decided to dub my old cassette tapes onto the computer a few years ago that I "rediscovered" it.

» More Than Anything

duration: 3:40
file size: 3.36 MB
written: 1996
recorded: 1996
instrument: Casio keyboard
recording medium: cassette tape
album art: Brain Food
lyrics:

I try and try
To leave the past behind
But it's becoming so hard now
To put you from my mind

'Cause I can't give you up so easily
I can't let you slip away
You're so much more to me

CHORUS:
I wanna hold your hand
I want you to hold me
I wanna feel your love
Raining down upon me
Oh can't you understand?
I want to make you see
Your love means so much more
Than anything to me

I cried and cried
The night we broke apart
But forever and a day
You'll hold a place inside my heart

'Cause I can't give you up so easily
I can't let you slip away
You're so much more to me

CHORUS

And every night
As lonely nights can be
I think about all that we've been
And what I'd like to be
You mean so much to me

That I can't give you up so easily
I can't let you slip away
You're so much more to me

CHORUS (x2)

Musical Monday Archive

Muscial Monday: Do You Think of Me?

It's Monday again! This song is the first song that I recorded directly to the computer, by recording the music first, and then dubbing the vocals in later. As such, the quality is light years beyond most of my earlier recordings.

The idea for the song came one morning when I woke up having dreamt of an old girlfriend. Once I got to writing, I decided the song would be more effective if I took that simple idea and developed it to its extreme, verse by verse.

From almost any standpoint (muscially, lyrically, etc.) I consider this song to be one of my absolute best.

» Do You Think of Me?

duration: 4:26
file size: 4.06 MB
written: 2002
recorded: 2002
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
lyrics:

It's been a while since I saw you last
All those years have passed
We've not spoke since
And in that time, I've somebody new
Maybe so do you
That would make sense

So why're you on my mind?

I had a dream just the other night
Something wasn't right
I was with you
It got me thinking of what might have been
Even as just friends
What we could do

It's not worth dwelling in
But I can't help wonderin'

Do you think of me
Every now and then?
Reminisce occasionally?
Does my name, unbidden, come suddenly?
Or unconsciously do you think of me?

Can't seem to clear your face from my mind
And leave the past behind
Those days with you
I hear your voice in my ear when I'm
All alone, each time
I'm feeling blue

I know it's not meant to be
But I can't help wondering

Do you think of me
When you drift to sleep?
Does my face frequent your dreams?
When you close your eyes, is it me you see?
Or wish he could be?
Do you dream of me?

Is my picture still in your frame?
Has it through the years stayed the same?
Are you looking for
Just a little more
Of what we had before?

Do you long for me
More each passing day?
Do you relive the memories?
Do I haunt your thoughts and invade your dreams
Like you do to me?

Do you think of me
Every waking hour?
Every thought and word and deed?
Am I still the angel you are to me?
Or am I vain to think
That you think of me?

Do you think of me?
Do you think of me?
Do you think of me?

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Super Mario Polka.

For the second installment of Muscial Monday, here's a piece I wrote a few years ago on the computer. I just took some of the music from the first Mario Brothers game and set it in a polka-like theme, complete with accordian.

» Super Mario Polka

duration: 1:20
file size: 1.23 MB
written: 2002
recorded: N/A
instrument: N/A
recording medium: computer

Musical Monday Archive

Musical Monday: Daydreaming.

I thought I'd start up a new, regular feature here: Muscial Mondays. Each week, I'll post an MP3 of one of my songs for your listening pleasure. I've got easily a year and a half's worth of material, so I'll have little excuse for not posting a new song every Monday.

For this inaugural post, I'll treat you to a more recent instrumental:

» Daydreaming

duration: 4:29
file size: 4.11 MB
written: 2004
recorded: 2004
instrument: piano
recording medium: computer
album art: Yet Still

Musical Monday Archive

Not a moment too soon.

Finally!

I finally finished writing the song for my brother's wedding. I still needed some intro music and an interlude, and I was able to get that done yesterday. Last night, I stayed up at the computer, sick (thanks to my son for this wonderful cold!) and finished laying out the score in Finale. Hopefully I'll get to practice it a bit tonight before the rehearsal ceremony tomorrow.

Man, I can't believe the wedding's almost here. My little brother: married?

Anyway, since no one reads this blog :) I don't figure I'll spoil anything by posting the song here. Click here to hear the MIDI file -- the vocals are represented by the clarinet line. The lyrics are:

THIS MOMENT

Well, you've known him only the shortest while
But just hearing his name now evokes a smile
And daydream'd fancies of wedded bliss
Oh, who could've known it would lead to this
From that very first kiss?

CHORUS:
And when you're looking backward in years to come
And rememb'ring everything you have done
Don't ever forget that it's all begun
In this special moment when two become one
It's that special moment when two become one

There's a flame kindled within your soul
But it's the spark of another that makes you whole
And as years go by, oh, whate'er you do
Keep that heartfire burning inside of you
And inside of her, too

CHORUS

Oh, the future's just around the bend
It's a heckuva journey from start to end
But just keep your hearts focused on this day
And hold fast to each other and stand and say:
"Oh, come what may"

And when you're looking backward in years to come
And rememb'ring everything you have done
Don't ever forget that it's all begun
From this special time that awaits you now
Don't ever forget everything you vow
And remember all that's been said and done
In this special moment when two become one
It's that special moment when two become one
Here comes that special moment

I do some of my best work in the shower.

Or when I'm mowing the lawn.

I've been writing a song for my brother's wedding for, oh, 4 months or something, now. I came up with the chorus in the shower one morning, and hammered out the music, then tried piecing together the verses. And though I got music written for the verses, I just couldn't find any words. And the chorus, well, I liked it, but I've gotten to the point where if the chorus lyrics aren't different every time, it just feels lazy, and the format I had written this chorus in was fairly restrictive, so I was having problems coming up with those, and...

Anyway, that song sat for a couple of months without making any progress.

Then I'm mowing the lawn and I come with the chorus for a new song. And I have an idea how the verses might go, even if I don't have any actual words for them, yet. But I get the music and lyrics done for the chorus, and I like it. And yes, I realize that the chorus will be the same throughout the song, but that's okay, because it works in this case.

But weeks go by, and still no verses.

Until today. In the shower. A complete verse! I'll have to hammer out the music when I get home, but it's honestly not that far off from the chorus, so it shouldn't be too hard. But I'm making real progress now. Here's the verse, by the way. (Spoilers ahead!)

There's a flame kindled within your soul
But it's the spark of another that makes you whole
And as years go by, oh, whate'er you do
Keep that heartfire burning inside of you
And inside of her, too

Maybe it doesn't read like much, but one of my biggest obstacles as a songwriter the past few years has been getting past the point of having just a chorus. I have a lot of those lying around, it's fleshing out the whole song that gets difficult. (And to think I used to crank a couple of songs out a night back in high school!)

Another piece of good fortune: I got a little tune stuck in my head at work a week or two ago, and on a whim, I recorded it on my cell phone in case I wanted to use it later. Actually, I think that was the day before I started the latest song. Well, I went back, dug that recording out, and it actually fits with the new song. So finally things are starting to come together.

Now, if only that second verse would come to me...